I ran the Colorado Women’s Classic 10 miler on Mother’s Day. Big Girl ran the kid’s fun run. She did well and ran the whole 100 yards or so. And then she got a cupcake. So she should’ve been set, right?
Turns out she didn’t get her fix with the 100 yards or so. When Big Girl saw me near the finish she jumped into action and came charging after me down the finish chute yelling, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” A good mother would’ve slowed down and ran with her. That would’ve been the motherly thing to do on Mother’s Day.
But that’s not what I did. Nope. I just kept right on going, fully aware that she would not be able to keep up with me. I didn’t even turn around until I stopped my watch. I prioritized my finish time over my daughter. I was a bad mom.
The race went pretty well. I felt strong throughout the first half. And then it got hard.
I blame my husband.
I voice texted him so he’d know when-ish to look for me at the finish line. But it took like 7 tries and happened to take place on a downhill. So I ended up with a side cramp. Fortunately it didn’t last too long. It went away as soon as I stopped swearing at my phone and focused on my breath. The course veered to the left right around that time, and I turned straight into a headwind.
That felt hard. A client of mine recently commented on how she didn’t fully realize how hard the end of a race would be. And you know what? It’s been so long since I really raced that I think I actually sort of forgot. The course was basically flat, but the few “speed bumps” in the second half felt like mountains.
But I gave it my all and got it done. Right up through my solo sprint to the finish.
Part of me feels embarrassed that a 9:49 min/mile pace felt as hard as it did. I sort of didn’t want to tell you that. Now that I’m coaching I feel like I’m supposed to be really fast. Definitely faster than my clients, right? Well, I’m not. Not even close. But like my old therapist used to say, “I wonder how helpful it is to compare…”
Answer: It’s not.
So I’m reminding myself that running fast and being a good coach require two completely different skill sets. And I’m reminding myself that it wasn’t that long ago that I was sidelined with a knee injury. It will take time to build my base back up. And I’m reminding myself of my goals.
I’m working towards a really big running goal right now. It’s big enough and scary enough and far enough away that I’m hesitant to write it down right now. But I will tell you that it doesn’t include speeding up.
I guess I should have reminded myself of these things while I was running. Maybe I would’ve waited for Big Girl. I hope she doesn’t think I’m a bad mom.
Eh, I gave her a rose and my chocolate milk. She’ll be alright.
3 thoughts on “I Was a Bad Mom on Mother’s Day”
I don’t think prioritizing yourself over your kids makes you a bad mom. I think it is healthy. If you are happy and healthy your kids have a good role model for life.
Your pace is amazing to me! Your pace is a minute faster than mine! And I am so very proud of my pace! Well not the pace but that I even got out there and finished it. I can’t be mad/sad at that 🙂
What’s funny is that my immediate reaction to your comment here is, “You should be proud of your pace!!!” And I really mean it! Just goes to show we have a completely different set of standards for ourselves than we do for other people… If I pause for a minute though I am proud that I did it. I’m proud I pushed myself. And I’m proud of my pace. Job well done all around. For both of us.